What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
