Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
