i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
