you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
