somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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