I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Randomize
