Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I faked an abortion last night.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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