I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I look better un-naked...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
