It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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