Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
