i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
