just survived the first fart of the relationship.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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