He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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