I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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