Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
