Whatcha textin bout Willis?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
