I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
