2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
