is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
