you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
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