She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
