I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
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