Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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