Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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