Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
