I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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