Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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