You made me cry and you don't even care
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
