apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
