Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
