My Higher Power is John Stamos
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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