So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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