Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
