I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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