Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just had sex on a roof
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
