My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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