When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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