he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
