Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
