I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
