If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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