All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
my being single is dangerous.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
