I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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