Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
farters have to be the big spoon...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
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well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
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It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
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