I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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