would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
