great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
