One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
