he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
