I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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