he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
