but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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