He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
