She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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