just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize