I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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