How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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