just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just found a bag of teeth...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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