I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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