Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
