I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The best revenge is premature balding
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
