Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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