best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
