Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
