just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
