but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
