who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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