I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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